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Why Dogs Lick Their Butt

I’ve been asked to write this by a woman who saw a dog parent scream, rant, and carry on because she saw her dog licking its butt.

Nice job there lady.

I’m sure all your yelling helped your dog understand the situation and walk away saying:

“Oh, I get it. I’m disgusting.”

Probably your dog will never do it again, right?

So let me offer you three reasons why dogs lick their butt.

1. Our anal glands are swollen. From time to time, some dogs need to have their anal glands expressed at the Vet. If this doesn’t happen, it itches terribly and so we lick ourselves to relieve the itching. As you can guess, yelling is really not going to work here. You might want to take us to the Vet. If you’re too cheap and you don’t like us licking ourselves, feel free to do it yourself. We won’t object.

2. We want to clean ourselves. Sometime, if you don’t groom us properly, our poop gets caught on our fur. We are naturally clean animals and we don’t like it when we get poop on ourselves. So we are cleaning ourselves off. Remember, cleanliness is next to puppiness. So screaming at us not to clean ourselves is really going to help…NOT.

3. It’s hard to hold toilet paper in our paws. Have you ever noticed that no one makes toilet paper for dogs? If they did, we’d take care of it. But sometimes, just like human puppies, we need a little helping love from our dog parents.

Now those are three reasons why dogs lick their butt.

And since we are talking, let’s turn the tables.

Your dog has an exquisite sense of smell.

It can detect things you can’t.

And lady, your dog smells YOU and loves you anyway.

And one of the things it smells is the railroad tracks inside YOUR undies.

It kind of grosses us out but we aren’t picky.

God sent us to you to share unlimited love.

But as long as you’re being picky.

Would you mind changing every day?

Don’t mess with dogs.

By the way, this was a real response to a real situation.

If you’d like Ralph to step in, feel free to email me at ralph AT

But remember, I call it as I smell it.

If you think dog parents should love their dogs unconditionally, please click the like button on Facebook.

It should really be the lick button!

One Response to Why Dogs Lick Their Butt
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    January 9, 2014 | 2:50 am

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