RALPH Speaks
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The Dog’s Secret Prayer
I’m not sure if you know this but most dogs pray every night before we go to sleep. I bet you’re probably...
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The Art of Sleeping
I think Carly Simon was thinking about me when she sang the words, “Nobody Does It Better.” You see, I have elevated...
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This Means War!
To you it may be a game. To us it’s real. And every time we go out on the field of battle,...
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Introducing The dPad
In case you didn’t know it, Apple just introduced the new dPad. So mine arrived on Friday and I want you to...
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Why I’m Running For Congress
The dog house has been incredibly active lately since I’ve declared by run for Congress. It’s gotten some people to smile and...
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Ralph’s New Religion: Dogism
People often ask me, “What Do Dogs Believe?” The answer is very simple. Our religion is dogism. We believe in love. We...
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Dogs Don’t Fetch Newspapers Anymore
As we move into the computer age it’s about time someone told you the truth. Dogs don’t fetch newspapers anymore. The newsprint...
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Hitting the Beach At Spring Break
It’s my favorite time of year – Spring Break. It’s when I put on my jammies, grab my surf board, and flex...
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The Best Dog Treat In The World
People say I’m cynical. People say I’m snarky. But I just call it as I see it. And today, I see it...
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You Think Tiger Is Scared of A Dog?
Personally I don’t care about Tiger’s personal life. If he and his ex-wife want to have a huge fight and get divorced...
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If Dogs Ran The World
There’s a lot of talk of war right now. There’s ALWAYS a lot of talk of war. In fact, throughout history, people...
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A Dog’s Gotta Dream
Do dogs dream? Of course they do. We dream of running (no place in particular). We dream of eating our favorite foods....
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Dog Treadmills – Is This Dumb Or What?
Remember when being a dog was being a dog? Remember the excitement of going for a walk? All those new smells and...
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Occupy The Dog Bowl
Everyone is occupying everything these days. Wall Street – already occupied. Seattle – get in line. Washington D.C. – of course. The...
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Chase It Yourself
Sometimes, I give up on my dog parent. I mean he’s a nice guy and all but sometimes, he just doesn’t get...
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I Run The Iditarod From My Backyard
The first day of the Iditarod was grueling. We departed Anchorage for Willow at 10 AM. It’s still mostly dark here. The...
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Why Dogs Lick Their Butt
I’ve been asked to write this by a woman who saw a dog parent scream, rant, and carry on because she saw...
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Don’t Quibble About Kibble?
If my feet could reach the pedals of the car, I would drive to the grocery store myself and buy my own...
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The Dog That Peed on Rick Santorum
Dogs are so much smarter than humans. It took weeks of campaigning. It took millions of dollars. But finally, people in two...
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Me and the Dalai Lama
The Dalai Lama recently called me for a brief chat. When I answered the phone I said, “Hello Dalai.” He told me...
